Lucu ya, bagaimana beberapa orang dengan mudah menghakimi kita hanya dari segelintir kata yang ada di media sosial atau dari ucapan orang lain, padahal mereka tidak tahu dengan pasti apa yang sebenarnya kita hadapi, bagaimana kita menderita, dan bagaimana kita sekeras mungkin berusaha untuk mempelajari dan mengatasi penderitaan tersebut.

Manusia tidak bisa dijauhkan dari aktivitas menghakimi, memang. Percaya atau tidak, hampir semua orang pasti pernah menghakimi orang lain, termasuk saya. Tetapi kalau ingin menghakimi, bukankah lebih baik mengetahui fakta yang ada dulu sebelum langsung menghina?

Saya sudah biasa diperlakukan seperti ini, tetapi untuk dihina karena sesuatu yang sama sekali bukan faktanya, it's beyond my thought.

Shout Your Hidden Dream Loud

Someday I will be the part of amazing movies, as their scenario writer.

 

 

I may be selective at giving my trust to people,
but once I give,
I give with my whole heart. 
 

-Rani

credits picture to Tumblr 

Another

Well, because it happens to be my -another very long- holiday, I always find myself confused when it comes to night time, not every night anyway, just...lately.

So, I end up here, in my blog, try to write something that might be not important for you guys, but I'm sure it's not important for me either, just another little crap of mine, actually.

Now, what I want to say is, well, not a particular thing anyway...
I have this thought that's haunting me from yesterday, is it just me or some people indeed have habits whenever they feel not really good (I don't want to say it bad, tho) they just want to make distance with people?

Because that's what happens to me, it's not that I'm in a sad situation or anything pathetic, it's just a situation where I should deal with myself.
And that makes me like I want to disappear from the world called cyber, and not going out of house, just staying at my room, watching movies, without social-networking (just a little, maybe). And holiday makes it even more perfect, you have no activities, you have no schedules, perfect.

But I'm curious, are there people like me too? Because several times ago, I realize that some people nowadays really, really can't get enough of social-networking, it's like their life is on internet, and every single events they do, every single things they feel, every single foods they eat, every single places they visit, should be updated, like the entire world should know, come on, get a life, I guess.

But, yeah, it's back to the individuals anyway and it's just my opinion, or may be my -now- character that's not really attached to thing called social-networking, especially in this kind of situation. It's like whenever you open those sites, and you see someone is freaking out and screaming out of everything they feel, meanwhile you already have your own problems, then it's just making your problems feel worse. Really. That happens on me.

So I just figure out that I have this one principle:
"Whenever you feel no good, just disappear, deal with yourself, and come back fresh. Because, once you deal with yourself, you deal with everything"

Ok, I've told you it's a crap.
Now I'm gonna push the publish button and have a sleep.
Xoxo.

(P.S: I don't count Blogger as a social network anyway, well, you know which social network that I mean :p )

You Are The Apple of My Eye

Pernah nonton film ini? Yang sudah, pasti ada yang bilang bagus, biasa aja, atau malah tidak suka, karena ending-nya yang -mungkin- tidak sesuai ekspektasi.

Kalau gue, termasuk orang yang bilang bagus. Karena entah kenapa setelah nonton film ini, salah satu ruang di hati gue terketuk dan tergelitik pilu (?)

Untuk yang belum nonton, gue sarankan jangan teruskan membaca, karena mungkin gue akan memberikan spoiler besar tentang film ini. (Sorry, my bad :p)

Jadi ceritanya, ada cewek dan cowok dalam kelas yang sama di suatu sekolah. Awalnya mereka nggak suka satu sama lain, tapi karena beberapa kejadian, akhirnya mereka mulai sadar kalau ada perasaan berlebih yang timbul di hati mereka. Tapi entah kenapa, si cowok ini selalu takut untuk menyatakan perasaan cintanya. Sampai suatu hari, mereka berdua jalan-jalan, dan si cowok menyatakan cinta, tapi alih-alih takut ditolak, dia nggak mau denger jawaban si cewek. Dan malah menyuruh si cewek untuk menulis jawabannya di lampion yang kemudian mereka terbangkan. Dan kalian tau sendiri, akhirnya mereka nggak jadi pacaran. Sampai kemudian terjadi konfilik antara mereka, dan mereka tidak saling kontak untuk beberapa waktu hingga suatu saat datanglah berita kalau si cewek akan menikah. Dan pada akhirnya, si cowok harus merelakan cinta dalam hidupnya untuk orang lain.

Padahal kalau si cowok menyatakan cinta sejak sekolah dulu atau kalau si cowok mau mendengarkan jawaban si cewek saat jalan-jalan dulu, dan melihat jawaban yang ada di lampion-nya, pasti mereka bisa menjadi sepasang kekasih. How tragic, man. It was so close.

Gue sempet geregetan sama cowoknya, kenapa harus takut padahal jelas-jelas si cewek sudah kasih sinyal positif, sementara di lain sisi, si cewek hanya bisa menunggu. And I know that must be hurting to wait. Meskipun memang tidak harus selalu cowok yang menyatakan perasaan, but, most girls like to feel special, right?

Tapi setelah itu gue sadar, betapa realistisnya film ini, dan pada akhirnya, ketika takdir tidak bertemu, kita hanya bisa ikhlas akan cinta yang hilang, orang yang pergi atau jiwa yang mati. *Hasek!*
Thanks to this film btw, I learn a lot.


If we may not end up with someone we're crazy about, at least we can make ourselves understand that love's not all about having each other.


Kalau kata Jebraw sih "Unconditional men, that's the best kind of love."
Benar sekali, cinta tanpa syarat, cinta tanpa mengharapkan kembali, memang jenis cinta terbaik yang ada di dunia. Dan akan indah sekali kalau semua orang bisa menerapkan hal itu.

Di tulisan sebelumnya, gue mungkin bilang kalau film romance tidak terlalu memberikan andil besar dalam pembelajaran gue tentang cinta, tapi sepertinya hal itu mulai sedikit tergeser, since it's holiday and the best option of my holiday is watching movies. And, maybe I kinda think that love is actually a cute thing to talk about? Idk for sure. It's holiday, anyway! *cheers*
Xoxo.

Is being faithful something hard to find at romance nowadays?

Is love not enough?

Gue kadang suka bingung kalau ada yang curhat masalah cinta, karena selain gue memang minim pengalaman, karakteristik orang di dunia juga banyak sekali sehingga untuk menggeneralisasikan sesuatu dibutuhkan pengetahuan, iya kan?
Jadi kalau ada yang curhat, komentar gue nggak jauh dari 'sabar yaaa' atau 'semoga diberi pencerahan yaa'.  Basi banget gak sih? Gue suka nggak enak sendiri.

Meskipun memang ada beberapa orang yang ketika curhat hanya ingin didengar, tapi tetep aja, masa gue harus ngomong 'sabar ya' terus setiap dia menyelesaikan satu kalimat? :\

Bisa dibilang, yang mengambil andil paling banyak dalam proses pembelajaran gue mengenai masalah percintaan adalah cerita orang-orang sekitar.

Sebenarnya dari film romance juga banyak pelajaran yang bisa diambil sih, tapi tetep kan, you never know until you feel it yourself.

Jadi yaaa, orang-orang sekitarlah yang paling manjur jadi bahan pembelajaran, karena mereka dekat dengan kita, kita juga bisa lihat langsung cerita mereka, dan mereka juga bisa cerita langsung ke kita.

Ada satu cerita temen gue yang cukup membuat gue berpikir dalam. Gue nggak akan menceritakan secara detil, tapi intinya muncul pertanyaan dalam pikiran gue: apakah menjadi orang yang setia sesulit itu?

Is ONE not enough?

Sadar nggak sih, makin kesini makin banyak aja orang yang selingkuh, yang cerai, yang putus, yang sering gonta-ganti pasangan, yaa di samping ingin mencari pelajaran dan mungkin tidak merasakan kecocokan, tapi apa semudah itu? Kalau ingin mencari pelajaran kenapa nggak ke orang yang sama? Kalau tidak merasakan kecocokan kenapa nggak saling mengerti? Kenapa harus jadian kalau nggak cocok? The more the questions, the more the confusions.

Dan untuk yang 'merasa' sedang dalam masa pendekatan, things I noted from others story: Kadang cowok terlalu menebar pesonanya sampai dia lupa kalau cewek yang bisa terkena nggak cuma satu, dan kadang cewek terlalu memikirkan perasaannya sampai dia lupa kalau perhatian yang cowok berikan hanya sebatas perhatian.

(Kadang loh.)

I'm right now not dealing with thing called 'love'. But when there comes my time, I hope I can be a good lover with one-strong heart.

Life

Have you ever been, in life, feeling like the most pathetic creature?
Have you ever been, feeling guilty for no exact reasons, and just being sad in a sudden?
Have you?
Have you ever been, thinking about something that others don't normally think?
Like what are you actually living for. What are your life goals. Why do you live.
Why I should be me. Why it's just me. Why others don't. Why.
It's not that I don't thankful to God for what I am.
But, you know, it's something that just naturally came up.
And yes, may be I am sometimes lacking at being grateful.
And I am truly sorry for that, God.
Life is so much to learn and I think I haven't even reach the half way yet.
Why-s and What-s will always haunt.
And this is the complicated me in the massive imperfections.
Trying to learn, life.

Nggak semua orang mau nolongin orang lain, kalaupun mau, nggak semua orang bisa tulus nolonginnya.
Nggak semua orang peka sama sekitar, boro-boro sama sekitar, sama diri sendiri aja nggak semua orang bisa.
Nggak semua orang bisa nahan emosi, mungkin karena udah capek nggak dihargain.
Nggak semua orang punya etika, mungkin mereka pikir buat apa ada etika, toh gue ini yang ngejalanin hidup, ya suka-suka gue.
Ditambah lagi, nggak semua orang bisa berubah jadi sosok yang orang lain mau.

Jadi, daripada saling berekspektasi, mending duduk diem, nonton tv, sambil makan kuaci.
Dunia udah makin keras, kepribadian orang udah makin beragam, dari yang paling abnormal, sampe normal banget.
Bukan gue nggak nerima keragaman, tapi, untuk mengharapkan sesuatu secara berlebihan dari orang-orang yang makin kesini kepribadiannya makin nggak ketebak, menurut gue itu udah kesalahan besar. Kesalahan besar gue.
Mungkin gue juga termasuk dari orang yang kepribadiannya makin nggak ketebak itu, mungkin, ya mungkin, saling berekspektasi bukan hal bagus untuk dilakukan di zaman sekarang.
Udah ah, makan kuaci aja mending.

"Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions." ~Edgar Cayce

I kind of a agree with that quote. Suatu hari, gue terbangun dari mimpi dimana gue ketemu dengan salah satu temen ngaji gue waktu di TPA dulu. Orangnya ganteng. Baik lagi. Tapi gue nggak pernah suka sama dia, as a girl to a boy. Lha jelas, orang waktu kita temenan masih SD -sekitar kelas 2 sampai 5- Love wasn't on my dictionary at that age, not like kids nowadays. And even now it's still a strange word in my dictionary. Don't know why.

Pas gue mau keluar rumah bentar buat fotocopy, tiba-tiba ada cowok naik motor lewat depan rumah, and he smiled, and the big deal is, dia temen ngaji gue yang gue mimpiin semalem. Aneh kan? For many years, I've never had a thought about him, and for only one dream, already leads it to reality, because in my  dream he also smiled. Silly but true, I also smiled when he smiled, and my heart is, fluttering, but I don't wanna make that big, because I know that it's no more than a yearning. A yearning from a long friend.

Tapi karena gue nggak tau apa dia masih inget sama gue, jadi nggak gue sapa, lagian dulu kita juga gak temenan deket banget. For all I know, that dream's indeed an answer to what happened latter, like Edgar's quote. -Gue mimpiin dia, pertanda kalo gue bakal ketemu dia-

Beberapa hari berlalu, dan tadi malem gue mimpiin tentang dia lagi, tapi dia nggak nunjukkin wajahnya, cuma gue yang keliatan nyari-nyari dia, karena disana ada semua temen ngaji gue waktu TPA dulu. Akhirnya, gue nggak berhasil nemuin dia. Gue juga nggak ngerti kenapa dia doang yang gue cari, but dreams don't really need reasons, right.
Tapi di lain sisi, mimpiin temen-temen ngaji bikin gue kangen banget sama mereka, karena mereka salah banyak orang yang cukup membuat kehidupan SD gue lebih sedikit bermakna -yeah, fyi, I don't like elementary school, I was bullied mentally, terribly awful-

Dan beruntung gue masih punya temen2 ngaji yang sangat baik dan lucu, sayang gue nggak punya kontak mereka sekarang. I miss you guys. T_________T

2 Weeks Remaining

There are still 2 weeks before I start the 2nd semester at college, meanwhile some other students already lost their holiday since several days ago and some other haven't feel the joy boredom of holiday.

And I think this longer free-time would make me the happiest student, or not..

It ain't that I don't like holiday, I like it much, I LOVE IT! But this one feels a bit too much, well lets say its just because I'm still not really familiar with my campus holiday agenda. For some perspectives, it may be a magnificent time to students who can spend it efficiently and effectively, like maybe go to work, make something for their future -I have no idea tho-, or help their parents, start something new to explore themselves et cetera et cetera. I am so envious of them in essentials.

If you know what I do in this holiholiday, you might be not wanting to have it this long, because I'm just sticking with laptop, playing around with high-school friends -that doesn't cost much Rupiahs of course-, walking randomly at home, sleeping all day, watching tv shows and movies, eating, EATING, EATING, thats ridiculous because I am already 5 kg fatter. Yes I am fat. Girls are so sensitive about kilograms, and how do you think my holiday with those activities? It might be fun for some first days, but believe me you won't stand it for the whole one and a half month. You'll be chased by boredom.

For my entire seconds in this life, this is the first time I hope holiday will finish faster. I should stop being useless and clueless. Lol.
I have intentions to find job at first, but you know, as I said before I am clueless about what work will suit me that won't make me a burden if I work there, and the harder I think, the more clueless I am.

So, I hope I can be useful in next holidays, maybe I can explore myself to know what work best suit me.

I'll be out now
Wish me a wonderful remaining 2 weeks of holiday!
Xoxo.

Holiday!

Is it just me or midnight is indeed the rightest time to make a blog post? Even I'm not that one who likes blogging so much tho. You know, right now I'm in the middle of a very long holiday. I mean it when I say very long, it starts from January 12th to March 5th (if I'm not mistaken), and this one's gonna be the longest holiday ever in my whole life.

I just finished my first semester at University, majoring in Public Health.
I want to talk a bit about my major, people who have no idea about this may say that all the graduates will work at Public Health Center (in my country, it is known as a place like hospital but 'more humble', because it mostly serves middle-low economic class people).
The truth is this major point ain't about to work in that one place. It is about how to increase the level of public health, and for the easy explanation I can say that if doctors first intention is to cure sick people, then public health graduates intention is to prevent people from disease with its many ways because in Public Health major, there will be specific studies like epidemiology, nutritions, environment health, occupational health and safety, health promotions, biostatistics, and health service management. And I tell you that's not as easy as people always think.

The truth that there will be people who always look down on this major will never fade away. I don't want to blame them, but sometimes the way they talk are just too irritating like we (Public Health students) don't have any bright future, like we'll do study, but we'll end up at a place with a low class, no fame, lack of earning because this major is (considered by them as) one of the strangest majors in the world. I'm not exaggerating, but really, that's the point I get from some ignorant people who talk nonsense about my major. And how dare those people easily laugh and think that Public Health Center is a low place whereas it saves so many people lives! And maybe I can't prove them right now about how this major is really important for the living, but watch me someday I'll make you guys know the taste of being reckless at concluding.
Well, I shouldn't be this angry anyway. Guess my anger is way too worth it for them. Sorry :p

Anyway, I'm gonna spend this holiday -like always- at home. I don't really make some big holiday plans that will cost much Rupiahs because, you know, I'm in the regret-for-being-wasteful situation. Lol. I'm almost 18 but my minds are sometimes even worse than a 10 years old kid's when it comes to saving money. Really. Especially when it comes to foods. I can't help buying good foods. Do you guys perhaps know the therapy to overcome this situation? Please contact me. Or maybe you can offer me a part-time job? That's also very welcome :D

Call me a kiddo, but I'm already sleepy at this hour in holiday.
Well, I'll be heading to dreamland, then. Bye!
Xoxo.

Soot

Suatu hari, Aghni, sahabat gue yang dalam hitungan bulan akan beranjak 18 tahun, nanya arti dibalik nama blog gue, Good of Soot, gue jawab "..nggak tau" But because that answer sounds too pathetic, I added "...soot itu kan jelaga Nos, noda yang item-item kayak di panci itu, yaaa semua yang jelek-jelek pasti ada baiknya..." Gue jawab dengan pede. Aghni nanya lagi "baiknya apa?"  Gue cuma bisa jawab... "nggak tau". Aghni tertawa keras. Gue juga tertawa. Menertawakan diri sendiri. That made me even more pathetic, right?

There is an exact meaning. But I don't understand how to say it directly. So in case Aghni has a walk to my blog, I guess you will find the answer here Nos :p

Soot. Jelaga. Gue juga baru tahu kata itu dari AADC. Ada di salah satu puisi buatan Rangga.

"..bosan aku dengan penat, dan enyah saja kau pekat. Seperti berjelaga jika kusendiri..."

Gue penasaran banget arti kata jelaga setelah denger puisi itu berulang-ulang. Akhirnya gue tau kalo jelaga itu adalah noda hitam, yang biasanya ada di panci-panci gitu. Tau kan? Nah, dulu gue nggak ngerti apa hubungan noda di panci sama puisi Rangga. Apakah Rangga merasa seperti noda panci ketika sedang sendiri?
Jawabannya tentu tidak.

Kata jelaga ternyata bisa dijadikan kiasan yang memberikan kesan gelap, sedih, muram dan perasaan-perasaan sedih lainnya.

Dan soot yang gue pake dalam nama blog gue itu, gue ambil pada makna denotasinya, meskipun gue nggak tahu apa kebaikan dari noda di panci, tapi yang gue maksudkan disini adalah sesuatu yang mungkin dari luar terlihat jelek, tapi pasti tetep ada kebaikan di dalamnya, meskipun cuma setitik. Tuhan aja udah menekankan kalau segala yang dibuat-Nya tidak pernah sia-sia.

Gue dapet satu tulisan yang sangat menarik di kompasiana.

“tak perlu dicuci sampai sebersih itu, kuali, panci, dsb.”

Aku bersungut-sungut, “kenapa?”

“Aku suka jelaga.” Katanya bangga. “Jelaga bisa memunculkan inspirasi bagi kalimat dalam karyaku.” Lanjutnya.

(credits to Winda Ari Anggriani http://bahasa.kompasiana.com/2011/10/12/jelaga-senyum-dan-rindu-400896.html)

Lihat kan? Kita udah dapet satu kebaikan dari jelaga. Menginspirasi seorang penulis :)

Jadilah gue pilih judul Good of Soot untuk blog gue. Sounds weird, indeed. But at least I know what I'm choosing ;) Dan siapa tau judul blog gue juga bisa menginspirasi orang, atau setidaknya menginspirasi diri gue sendiri.
 
Well, enough for now.
Bye! Xoxo

Greeting In Day 12 of 2013

I almost forget that I have this site. Lol.
It's January 12th in 2013. I'm not surprised that time flew so fast and I hope this year's gonna be another wonderful year. Well I don't know what I'm going to wish nor what are my resolutions actually, but I just want this one will be at least the same like 2012 where everything went rocky yet smoothly. Yea I don't say that my efforts to enter the University were that smooth but I just love how 2012 with its ups and downs brought me to a superb journey that I won't ever forget for my entire life. Much laughter. Crying eyes. High-spirits. Hesitations. Depressions. Disappointments. Fortunes. Amazing moments. New people. And in the end, 2012 closed my year cycle with peaceful and grateful mind. Thanks God for Your non-stop blessings. I can't without You.