Is being faithful something hard to find at romance nowadays?

Is love not enough?

Gue kadang suka bingung kalau ada yang curhat masalah cinta, karena selain gue memang minim pengalaman, karakteristik orang di dunia juga banyak sekali sehingga untuk menggeneralisasikan sesuatu dibutuhkan pengetahuan, iya kan?
Jadi kalau ada yang curhat, komentar gue nggak jauh dari 'sabar yaaa' atau 'semoga diberi pencerahan yaa'.  Basi banget gak sih? Gue suka nggak enak sendiri.

Meskipun memang ada beberapa orang yang ketika curhat hanya ingin didengar, tapi tetep aja, masa gue harus ngomong 'sabar ya' terus setiap dia menyelesaikan satu kalimat? :\

Bisa dibilang, yang mengambil andil paling banyak dalam proses pembelajaran gue mengenai masalah percintaan adalah cerita orang-orang sekitar.

Sebenarnya dari film romance juga banyak pelajaran yang bisa diambil sih, tapi tetep kan, you never know until you feel it yourself.

Jadi yaaa, orang-orang sekitarlah yang paling manjur jadi bahan pembelajaran, karena mereka dekat dengan kita, kita juga bisa lihat langsung cerita mereka, dan mereka juga bisa cerita langsung ke kita.

Ada satu cerita temen gue yang cukup membuat gue berpikir dalam. Gue nggak akan menceritakan secara detil, tapi intinya muncul pertanyaan dalam pikiran gue: apakah menjadi orang yang setia sesulit itu?

Is ONE not enough?

Sadar nggak sih, makin kesini makin banyak aja orang yang selingkuh, yang cerai, yang putus, yang sering gonta-ganti pasangan, yaa di samping ingin mencari pelajaran dan mungkin tidak merasakan kecocokan, tapi apa semudah itu? Kalau ingin mencari pelajaran kenapa nggak ke orang yang sama? Kalau tidak merasakan kecocokan kenapa nggak saling mengerti? Kenapa harus jadian kalau nggak cocok? The more the questions, the more the confusions.

Dan untuk yang 'merasa' sedang dalam masa pendekatan, things I noted from others story: Kadang cowok terlalu menebar pesonanya sampai dia lupa kalau cewek yang bisa terkena nggak cuma satu, dan kadang cewek terlalu memikirkan perasaannya sampai dia lupa kalau perhatian yang cowok berikan hanya sebatas perhatian.

(Kadang loh.)

I'm right now not dealing with thing called 'love'. But when there comes my time, I hope I can be a good lover with one-strong heart.

Life

Have you ever been, in life, feeling like the most pathetic creature?
Have you ever been, feeling guilty for no exact reasons, and just being sad in a sudden?
Have you?
Have you ever been, thinking about something that others don't normally think?
Like what are you actually living for. What are your life goals. Why do you live.
Why I should be me. Why it's just me. Why others don't. Why.
It's not that I don't thankful to God for what I am.
But, you know, it's something that just naturally came up.
And yes, may be I am sometimes lacking at being grateful.
And I am truly sorry for that, God.
Life is so much to learn and I think I haven't even reach the half way yet.
Why-s and What-s will always haunt.
And this is the complicated me in the massive imperfections.
Trying to learn, life.

Nggak semua orang mau nolongin orang lain, kalaupun mau, nggak semua orang bisa tulus nolonginnya.
Nggak semua orang peka sama sekitar, boro-boro sama sekitar, sama diri sendiri aja nggak semua orang bisa.
Nggak semua orang bisa nahan emosi, mungkin karena udah capek nggak dihargain.
Nggak semua orang punya etika, mungkin mereka pikir buat apa ada etika, toh gue ini yang ngejalanin hidup, ya suka-suka gue.
Ditambah lagi, nggak semua orang bisa berubah jadi sosok yang orang lain mau.

Jadi, daripada saling berekspektasi, mending duduk diem, nonton tv, sambil makan kuaci.
Dunia udah makin keras, kepribadian orang udah makin beragam, dari yang paling abnormal, sampe normal banget.
Bukan gue nggak nerima keragaman, tapi, untuk mengharapkan sesuatu secara berlebihan dari orang-orang yang makin kesini kepribadiannya makin nggak ketebak, menurut gue itu udah kesalahan besar. Kesalahan besar gue.
Mungkin gue juga termasuk dari orang yang kepribadiannya makin nggak ketebak itu, mungkin, ya mungkin, saling berekspektasi bukan hal bagus untuk dilakukan di zaman sekarang.
Udah ah, makan kuaci aja mending.

"Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions." ~Edgar Cayce

I kind of a agree with that quote. Suatu hari, gue terbangun dari mimpi dimana gue ketemu dengan salah satu temen ngaji gue waktu di TPA dulu. Orangnya ganteng. Baik lagi. Tapi gue nggak pernah suka sama dia, as a girl to a boy. Lha jelas, orang waktu kita temenan masih SD -sekitar kelas 2 sampai 5- Love wasn't on my dictionary at that age, not like kids nowadays. And even now it's still a strange word in my dictionary. Don't know why.

Pas gue mau keluar rumah bentar buat fotocopy, tiba-tiba ada cowok naik motor lewat depan rumah, and he smiled, and the big deal is, dia temen ngaji gue yang gue mimpiin semalem. Aneh kan? For many years, I've never had a thought about him, and for only one dream, already leads it to reality, because in my  dream he also smiled. Silly but true, I also smiled when he smiled, and my heart is, fluttering, but I don't wanna make that big, because I know that it's no more than a yearning. A yearning from a long friend.

Tapi karena gue nggak tau apa dia masih inget sama gue, jadi nggak gue sapa, lagian dulu kita juga gak temenan deket banget. For all I know, that dream's indeed an answer to what happened latter, like Edgar's quote. -Gue mimpiin dia, pertanda kalo gue bakal ketemu dia-

Beberapa hari berlalu, dan tadi malem gue mimpiin tentang dia lagi, tapi dia nggak nunjukkin wajahnya, cuma gue yang keliatan nyari-nyari dia, karena disana ada semua temen ngaji gue waktu TPA dulu. Akhirnya, gue nggak berhasil nemuin dia. Gue juga nggak ngerti kenapa dia doang yang gue cari, but dreams don't really need reasons, right.
Tapi di lain sisi, mimpiin temen-temen ngaji bikin gue kangen banget sama mereka, karena mereka salah banyak orang yang cukup membuat kehidupan SD gue lebih sedikit bermakna -yeah, fyi, I don't like elementary school, I was bullied mentally, terribly awful-

Dan beruntung gue masih punya temen2 ngaji yang sangat baik dan lucu, sayang gue nggak punya kontak mereka sekarang. I miss you guys. T_________T

2 Weeks Remaining

There are still 2 weeks before I start the 2nd semester at college, meanwhile some other students already lost their holiday since several days ago and some other haven't feel the joy boredom of holiday.

And I think this longer free-time would make me the happiest student, or not..

It ain't that I don't like holiday, I like it much, I LOVE IT! But this one feels a bit too much, well lets say its just because I'm still not really familiar with my campus holiday agenda. For some perspectives, it may be a magnificent time to students who can spend it efficiently and effectively, like maybe go to work, make something for their future -I have no idea tho-, or help their parents, start something new to explore themselves et cetera et cetera. I am so envious of them in essentials.

If you know what I do in this holiholiday, you might be not wanting to have it this long, because I'm just sticking with laptop, playing around with high-school friends -that doesn't cost much Rupiahs of course-, walking randomly at home, sleeping all day, watching tv shows and movies, eating, EATING, EATING, thats ridiculous because I am already 5 kg fatter. Yes I am fat. Girls are so sensitive about kilograms, and how do you think my holiday with those activities? It might be fun for some first days, but believe me you won't stand it for the whole one and a half month. You'll be chased by boredom.

For my entire seconds in this life, this is the first time I hope holiday will finish faster. I should stop being useless and clueless. Lol.
I have intentions to find job at first, but you know, as I said before I am clueless about what work will suit me that won't make me a burden if I work there, and the harder I think, the more clueless I am.

So, I hope I can be useful in next holidays, maybe I can explore myself to know what work best suit me.

I'll be out now
Wish me a wonderful remaining 2 weeks of holiday!
Xoxo.